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Dancing with the Stars Episode Recap: Monday, April 9, 2012

Date April 09, 2012

Pleather, leather, mascara and KISS! It's Rock Week on Dancing with the Stars as the Top 10 perform to some of the greatest rock tunes in history and rock the leader board. Who dethroned Katherine and Mark? And who got injured on the show?

KISS is here and they want to rock 'n' roll all night. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say for once their outfits won't be the craziest ones in the room. Nor will their hair. Brooke's electrician apparently did her hair today and I'm pretty sure birds are nesting in it by this point.

Sherri Shepherd and Val Chmerkovksiy: tango
Sherri lurves Val and his chest, but can't wait to unleash her fury on him. They're dancing to Quiet Riot (or Quiet Noise, per Val), which is basically Sherri when she dials it back, like, half a notch. Sherri starts off with a lap-dance for Len, but it all becomes hella boring, which I never thought I'd say about a Sherri dance. But she's apparently traded her loudness for... nothing, really. She's just there, being dragged around by Val. Seriously, did someone shoot her with a tranquilizer? Len thinks she coped well. Bruno pouted about not getting a lap dance. Carrie Ann says her face was expressionless.
Score: 21

Katherine Jenkins and Mark Ballas: paso doble
Goodbye, Welsh Wiggle. Hello, Welsh Warrior! Mark gets Katherine into the fighting spirit by taking her to an MMA gym. And of course, their whole dance is set in an MMA octagon. Do it, Katherine! Take out Mark for us! This is the opposite of Sherri's dance. Katherine has almost too much aggression, which seems to be throwing her off her game. She's great one second and spastic the next, but at least she does triumph over Mark at the end. So it looks like the Welsh Warrior's kryptonite is the paso doble. Bruno says it wasn't clean. Carrie Ann says she wasn't on her feet. Len says it had promise, but didn't deliver.
Score: 24

Jaleel White and Kym Johnson: tango
Jaleel is not up on his Mick Jagger, so Kym puts a scarf on him... and strangles him. Almost. You know she wanted to last week. So it turns out Jaleel can move like Jagger. He nails the walk (which he calls George Jefferson-esque) and looks fab in hold, but it's too goofy and fluid to be an intense tango. Maybe Jaleel should've had his hissy fit this week. Carrie Ann loves the performance, but gives him a "hint" for the future that he was too smooth. Len wants more attack. Bruno thinks it was underpowered.
Score: 22

Melissa Gilbert and Maksim Chmerkovskiy: paso doble
Melissa is excited for the paso because she's always been the good girl, but there's a bad girl underneath. Maks tries to bring it out by berating her all week and reminding her that she gets to kill him at the end of the dance. "Please don't step on my jewels," he pleads. First, could Maks be in tighter pants? Don't tell me I was the only one worried about (OK, looking for) a wardrobe malfunction. This is easily Melissa's best dance. She's going after the steps and handles the staccato beats well. But she still gets a little "deer in the headlights" when Maks starts spinning her around. It all goes according to plan until Maks slips at the end. (Sadly, nothing rips.) Len likes it and doesn't care that Maks fell. Bruno calls it hot-blooded drama, but thinks she falls behind the pace sometimes. Carrie Ann calls it her best performance, but wants them to find balance in hold. Oh, hey, Jennifer Love Hewitt and her non-reduced boobs are here to cheer on Maks!
Score: 22

Donald Driver and Peta Murgatroyd: paso doble
Peta's having Donald do this shirtless because "the ladies will like it and Bruno will love it." Excellent wardrobe choice, Peta! Donald thinks he'll be good at the paso because all the past athletes he's seen have excelled. And he rocks it. No pun intended. He's powerful, intense, and his footwork is sharp and steady. And because Donald is shirtless, his glorious lines, posture and finish are in plain sight for us to ogle. Took us a while, but this is the best dance of the night so far. Bruno loves the gun show. "Muscular, masculine, magnificent," he purrs. Carrie Ann calls it psychedelic. "You've frighten the lift out of me," Len says.
Score: 27

Gladys Knight and Tristan MacManus: tango
Gladys says she's the Grandma of Rock 'N' Roll, so she's no goody two-shoes. They're dancing to "Bohemian Rhapsody" — and Len, Carrie Ann, Bruno and Tom handle the silhouette singing, which may be the best musical decision the show has ever made. On the other hand, who picked the most schizophrenic song ever for a 67-year-old woman to dance to? Gladys does her best, but it's all very blah. The footwork is absent, there's no passion and Tristan is guiding her everywhere. Carrie Ann says it didn't come together. Len commends Tristan on the choreography and thinks Gladys coped well, which, if you can't tell by now, is obviously his euphemism for "you sucked." Bruno thinks she did a great job given how difficult the song is.
Score: 20

William Levy and Cheryl Burke: jive
They're dancing to Twisted Sister and William has no idea what that means. So Cheryl calls in... no, not Twisted Sister, but Steel Panther! Who are clearly the next best thing. They do their best to turn William into an '80s rocker and they may have spent too much time playing dress up. This is a hot mess, to the point where I feel like William's coasting on his hotness. He loses his footing and timing a bunch of times, thus forcing him to look at Cheryl to get back on beat, and they botch a move in the middle. And then Cheryl pulls a Kirstie Alley and loses her shoe. Len says too much went wrong. Bruno agrees, but likes the performance. Carrie Ann wants him to stay focused.
Score: 22

Roshon Fegan and Chelsie Hightower: Viennese waltz
Roshon wants to look like a man and is determined to nail a ballroom dance. "There are three words I want to hear from Len: 'Good job, dawg!'" he says. And Roshon does a good job — a great job even. He still looks like a child, but it's a very young adult dance. He's smooth, lyrical with lovely extensions and lines. For all the times he can look like a twisted noodle, Roshon's actually got all his limbs under control. Bruno says he's flying so high he can touch the sky. Carrie Ann calls it the climax — of a Disney movie and says he's the best male dancer. "Good job, dawg," Len says. Mission accomplished! First "awesome" and now this? What can we make Len say next? Let's play!
Score: 26

Maria Menounos and Derek Hough: tango
They're dancing to "School's Out," but Maria's feet are in pain. The doctor tells her that she has a stress fracture in her right foot and near fractures in her left one. "Quitting the show has never been an option," she says, so she plows on. If this is what Maria does with stress fractures and broken ribs, everyone is probably hoping they never see her at full strength. It's the best tango of the night: taut, fierce and stirring with palpable chemistry. Maria's footwork is precise as ever and her frame is solid through the whole thing. Once it ends, Derek relieves her feet by giving her a piggyback ride. Carrie Ann is in love and eats her own earring. Len thinks they lost a little control, but loves her posture. Bruno calls it brilliant.
Score: 26

Gavin DeGraw and Karina Smirnoff: tango
Gavin believes Rock Week will be right up his alley. Karina wants his rock passion to translate into their tango... and it doesn't totally. Gavin's footwork is much improved, but his posture is as hideous as the mascara on him. The good news is that he's not holding back on any move. Len likes the flair and attitude, but wants him to tuck his butt in. Bruno says his shoulders kept rising. Carrie Ann thought she was watching Johnny Depp. Backstage, Brooke asks Gavin if he thinks he did enough to get out of the bottom two. "Absolutely not," he deadpans. "Karina and I are happy to stick around and hold up the house."
Score: 23

Injury alert! Melissa and Maks are MIA because she hurt herself during the dance and has since headed to the hospital, Tom reveals. Fingers crossed it's not her back.

So after three straight weeks on top, Katherine and Mark have been dethroned. Donald and Peta lead with a 27, while Gladys and Tristan are last with a 20.

What did you think? Were Donald and Peta the best of the night? Do you appreciate Gavin's honest assessment? Where did Sherri's personality disappear off to? Do Len, Carrie Ann, Bruno and Tom need to do form a Queen cover band? How tight were Maks' pants? What other phrases should Len say next? Who do you think will go home tomorrow?

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