For the first time, Bethenny Frankel has shared the details of her recent miscarriage.
In the July issue of Glamour, Frankel discussed the ordeal she and husband Jason Hoppy went through when the couple learned the sad news.
"Because my first pregnancy had been complicated, and because I was over 40, the doctor told me that I was "high risk" and needed to take it easy. So I took it easy. I had to," Frankel explained.
"And because we hadn't planned this, I felt unprepared, like we had so much to do to get ready for this baby. Still, I was excited, if cautiously so, with the words high risk ringing in my ears."
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Though the pregnancy was unexpected, Frankel and Hoppy couldn't have been happier. Frankel recalled the night after seeing the heartbeat for the first time, "When we got home, I told Jason, "You know what? This is meant to be." While we'd been putting off pulling the trigger, not actively "trying," the universe had stepped in. We were glowing and happy, and I think we both started to feel: This is real."
Unfortunately for the couple, their happiness was short-lived. The next day, Frankel suffered a miscarriage.
"You're 41. You had bleeding. There's nothing you could have done," her doctor told her.
"And I hadn't done anything," Frankel said. "Since I'd found out, I'd been lying down for an hour or two a day and letting others take up the slack. But I blamed myself—of course I did."
Ten days later, the reality star fell apart after her doctor revealed she would have had a baby girl. Frankel remembered, "Afterward, I went through a range of emotions."
"Still, you don't wallow when there's a toddler in the house, and Bryn (Frankel and Hoppy's 2 year-old daughter) is a perfect, sweet little baby. I have a loving husband and a beautiful daughter and our dog and all of us together. So I thought, OK, you can't win 'em all. And life went on."
The Bravo star currently has no plans to try again for a second child, but prefers to leave it up to fate.
Frankel rose to fame on Real Housewives of New York before starring in her own spin-offs, Bethenny Getting Marriedand Bethenny Ever After. Her talk show, Bethenny, is currently airing in six-week trial run.